A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
