Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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