She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
