i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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