o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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