This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
