i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
