If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
