If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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