he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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