if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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