Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
