it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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