I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
