I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
