Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
