Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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