I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
