I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
