oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
