started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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