Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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