I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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