Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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