I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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