he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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