Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
