So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
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Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
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Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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