And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
