You work out of a Hotel?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
