it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
