even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
