In America we eat man semen.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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