I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
