Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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