Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize