My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
