Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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