i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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