oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
