Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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