By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
