and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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