Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
