He felt like a one man threesome
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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