Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
nutella sex= disaster
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
