i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
