I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
