I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
