My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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