you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize