yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
