someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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