How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
