I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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