yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
