You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
