I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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