She is in my trunk
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
