Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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