bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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