I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
