Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
