I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
