Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just tell him i said nine months
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
my liver is dry heaving
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize