Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
