He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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