I love black thongs
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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