His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
