I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
